We’ve all been there. It’s Opening Day. You woke up at 5:30, tossed and turned for an hour, too excited to fall back to sleep. You made it to the stadium early, waited on Canal Street for 45 minutes, followed the Impark guy’s overly dramatic arm flailing and unreasonably angry directions to your parking spot. Now it’s time to…
Huh. What do you do now? You’ve fired up the grill and laid your meat on it, but something seems to be missing. The gates don’t open for at least an hour. What do you do in the meantime. Well, fret no longer, fellow Brewer fan. There’s a reason you packed that case of beer; it’s time to play:
The Opening Day Drinking Game: Tailgate Edition!
Drink 1 If:
Somebody jumps up and down with excitement.
“Who’s pitching today?” (either team)
“Who are the Brewers playing?”
Somebody gives the wrong answer to either of the above questions.
Anytime someone leaves for the bathroom.
Your group forgot to bring something.
A group near you asks to borrow something that they forgot.
Drink 2 if:
Somebody mentions, “Hank”.
You see a person wearing eye black.
You see a person wearing a headband.
You hear Rihanna.
Somebody mentions, “Braun,” related to PEDs.
Another 2 if “Biogenesis” is spoken.
Drink 5 If:
“Axford can’t blow it.”
“Hank” and “cute” in same sentence.
“Sick of Hank”.
“[player] is a bum.”
You see somebody wearing a Hank shirt.
You see somebody wearing no shirt.
You see a Braves fan.
You hear Guns and Roses.
You hear Journey.
You witness a couple fighting.
You witness a couple making out. Finish your beer if it’s the same couple that was fighting
You hear, “Yeeeeaaaahhhh, Brewers!”
Somebody tries to sell you a t-shirt or a sticker.
Finish Your Beer If:
Somebody throws up in public.
You witness a fistfight.
You see a pinata.
The game has begun, yet you’re still in the parking lot.
Enjoy, and Drink Responsibly!