Yesterday, we learned that the Astros experienced a security breach in which somebody accessed an internal server and stole notes that Astros executives compiled about trade discussions had with other teams. The notes were published on an anonymous dropbox site called Anonbin (here and here). The Astros claim to have known about the leak for a month, and say that they have contacted the FBI.
This seems like quite a bit of work and risk to go through for such little reward until you realize that in order to breach the Astros security, all you need to do is walk past a sleeping guard dog (literally a Great Dane named Astro), and ask Rosie the Roomba for directions to the “Trade Notes”. She’ll print you out a copy and send you on your way.
Well, today, another MLB team had their notes posted on a site called, DougiLeaks. That team, of course, was the Milwaukee Brewers. Presented below without comment, are some of the highlights of Doug Melvin’s trade notes from January 2013 to May of 2014.
March 15th, 2013: Gord Ash offered me a bite of his fish taco for a bite of my leftover boiled potatoes. Fish tacos are a bit exotic for my tastes. Not a risk I was willing to take.
March 16th, 2013: Really glad I didn’t make that trade yesterday. Hot stoves are perfect for boiling potatoes, but what in the slimy heck are they going to do for a fish taco?
March 20th, 2013: Counsell told me that my secretary called him. I guess Neil Huntington has called each of the last 4 days. I know the guy’s in Florida, but what abomination of a world does this guy live in where he thinks I’m not wartchin’ my team in Arizona?
March 23rd, 2013: Boy, this Wil Myers kid sure can swing a bat. I sure hope Dayton gives me a call when I get back to Milwaukee, because, boy, do I have the deal for him!
April 4th, 2013: Still no call from Huntington. Not sure what he wanted.
May 1st, 2013: Saw Anthopoulos on MLB Network today. Gotta admit, that traitor sounded pretty good… I haven’t talked to him since he told me he doesn’t have a single player seeking to become a permanent citizen. Still haven’t figured out why he thanked me for the Lawrie trade. Gonna have to teach his guys how to recycle when they visit Milwaukee in July.
June 8th, 2013: I think this season’s officially in the laundry hamper. Time to break out the old Calgary flame and heat up that stove.
July 20th, 2013: Duquette called today. He’s looking for some relief help. Says he thinks his Orioles can make it to the playoffs, HA! I had a good laugh at that one. Anyway, he asked about K-Rod, and I told him he was a good kid, the type of guy that will call you from jail. I also told him to pay more attention to time zones and call after lunch next time.
July 21st, 2013: Gord told me that he talked to Danny Duquette today. He says Danny’s not joking about the playoffs thing.
July 22nd, 2013: Took a look at the standings in the Toronto Times, and by I’ll be… I guess Gord was right!
July 23rd, 2013: Well, I’ve officially traded the single-season saves leader. It’s been in the 80’s all week, so maybe we can chalk it up to the heat wave, but he’s gone. There’s no turning back. Not sure how to break the news to Fran’s family.
July 25th, 2013: Dombrowski called today. He wanted to, “Make sure I didn’t have any players available that he might be interested in, unlike last time.” Huh?
July 31, 2013: This afternoon’s trade deadline is approaching faster than a honey bee chasing Yogi Bear. Phone lines have been quiet, which has been kind of nice. I would have liked to see more offers, but those are natures ropes. I guess we won’t be rebuilding things around here. Like I always say, “Trust in the Queen, let the Maple Leafs fall where they may, and who knows, maybe Carly Gomey falls in your lap.”
September 2, 2013: Phone rang today and scared the living Cordero outta me. I didn’t answer, but Mozeliak left a message. Hopefully he calls back soon.
September 3, 2013: Cardinals called again, asking about Axford. I made a joke about people putting the k before the s in the word, “ask,” and said, “What are you Aksing for Axford?” We lost our connection, but they Mozeliak called back. He didn’t want to give Wainwright, but did ask how Cory was coming along as a scout. He offered Blazek instead. What a gent, class act!
September 29th, 2013: TGIFridays ran out of gravy today. I offered them a piece of my mind in exchange for better service. They declined.
January 8th, 2014: Gave Axford a ride home from Dale Howerchuk’s Canuck & Puck Tavern tonight. He paid for the gas. We both won that trade, you say?
March 15th, 2014: Explained the process of obtaining a passport to Counsell today. He’s going to be the Greatest Scout of the Great North. HashtagCanadaScouting
The notes mysteriously end there, with March 15th being the last entry. It isn’t clear if Doug left his notes in Maryvale, or if he simply hasn’t had any trade discussions since March.
So, what do you think? Still think you could run this team better than Doug Melvin?